Here I am in my postpartum body.
Since this post seemed to resonate with so many of you, I wanted to post it to my website so you can look back and be reminded of these words. I'm not happy that so many of you feel the same way, but I find happiness in knowing that my words have helped you feel less alone.
I’ve been having the harshest thoughts of myself lately. Why is it so easy to beat yourself down but bring others up? Why do I see such beauty in my best friend’s body or other mama’s postpartum body but not in myself.
Lately, I’ve had such conflicting thoughts within my daily thoughts, a contrast of messages from appreciation to self disgust. Rationally I know that I have just given birth and my advice to anyone else would be so simple and so obvious, “you are incredible, you have grown and birthed a beautiful baby, who is healthy and happy. Feeling like yourself again will take time, be kind to yourself.” DUH! I’ve been through this shit with you guys a million times! BUT transparently, I am just not there.
Despite the fact that I preach self love day in and day out, I think I said “F$%K this shit” about 20 times last week. Here’s one scenario; As its getting hotter, I tried to find ONE PAIR OF EFFING SHORTS that fit, I tried at least 6 pairs and I barely got them over my thighs, let alone my butt. After deconstructing my entire wardrobe, I could feel my frustration and waterworks not far from being in full motion, but as I was simultaneously entertaining Lola with a sock puppet and singing Baby Shark for the 86th time for Lexi, life just carries on. Mama life doesn’t allow you the time to feel.
I realised that the time that I would spend on the positive counter-thoughts to my mean, unreasonable thoughts does not really fit in to the whole mum of two thing. Or at least I wasn’t prioritising it. Being kind to myself, loving myself should be a the top of my list each day. I would expect the same from my two girls, why not model that for them. So here I am, its Sunday and this week I WILL LOVE MY BODY and I will say things I appreciate it about it. 5 times for every time I say something mean to it. Are you with me?
I challenge you to join me, even though its tough.